Defeated? Not

Sometimes work can be a lifeline. It can be the only way to distract yourself from whatever ails you. It can also be a way to comfort you in many ways. I am choosing all the above. It feels like forever since I have written. It’s been an extremely overwhelming year.

I have endured many health issues this year. It drove me to the point of losing my sanity for a moment. What started out as a “Woe is me” quickly turned into a “I Got This” event. I emphasize that motto because that is what I made it to be.

Indulge me, while I briefly give you a synopsis of the past year. Let’s just say my health went from being stable to unstable. I was hit left and right with issues that one couldn’t even comprehend how I am still standing. The first 6 months I went from remaining in remission to a metastasis, several weeks of radiation; back to being stable. However, not without residual pain. During that course of time my weight dropped, my appetite was suppressed not to mention my mentality was poor. Overall, weight loss was good for my health as well. So, I’m down 49lbs. Secondly, I was stricken with the news that I have some secondary autoimmune disease which they can’t confirm just yet. The first being hypothyroidism. My blood results and physical symptoms have yet to be confirmed of “Scleroderma or Muscular Dystrophy” Only time will tell. Third, due to my symptoms a scan was ordered and a tumor in my brain was found. I was seen by specialists and surgeons and at this time it has been ruled out as metastasis. It has been diagnosed as a meningioma. After consultations with the medical professionals, I must make a serious decision on the course of treatment. At this moment I have not. Lastly, I woke up to alerts from my bank that has been frozen. All my money on an “Account hold” and I had to wait until today to retrieve answers. Thank goodness for a secondary bank which has nothing in it but able to accept payments.

So having gone through all this in the past few months. I needed some time to reflect. I did not want to think about anything anymore. I remembered how much I love to write and vent away. In dealing with these hand tremors, it has been particularly difficult to type. Upon learning to navigate voice commands I can carry on with my blogs. So, here I am.

My life in a nutshell. How am I still standing with all this. I have no fucking idea. I recently was told I am a child of God, there isn’t anything he gives me that I cannot handle. Well, it most certainly felt like it. I then began to think. I need to get back to what makes me the happiest. No matter what I go through in life, writing/venting expressing my emotions always helps me. It’s the best feeling in the world to be able to do what you love to do the most. It brings me joy, a sense of being. If it’s crying, dancing or writing; they are all feelings in life that remind us we’re ALIVE.

So, I leave you with those words to remember no matter what we go through in life; You still have it, appreciate it, enjoy it TODAY, TOMORROW & ALWAYS.