Enough! It's Time

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed, so consumed by the weight of everything that your mind simply cannot think straight? You pause, heart pounding, and question the very purpose of your life wondering why you tirelessly hustle day after day, just to provide a decent life for others. Does it tear you apart inside when you go out of your way, giving everything you have to excel, only to be brushed aside as if you’re easily replaceable? Am I the only one who gives their all even after clocking out from work and still feels like it’s never enough? 

All I crave is to be valued, to be recognized for my worth, but that recognition remains elusive. Instead, it takes a toll on my mental health, chipping away at my happiness, making me feel drained and heavy hearted. Some grow angry, some retreat into silence, but I choose to stay quiet not because I don’t care, but because I fear unleashing the storm of emotions inside me. Yet, hiding doesn’t ease the pressure; I often feel like I’m on the verge of exploding from the whirlwind of thoughts and anxiety, from the unending struggle to meet every expectation I set for myself. 

There’s never enough time in a day, always pulled in a thousand different directions, constantly interrupted, never truly able to breathe. For years, I’ve been working tirelessly for others, losing sight of what truly brings me joy; writing. That passion, my sanctuary, has faded into the background. When I finally get home, I am completely drained mentally, physically, emotionally. I sit on the sofa in utter silence, staring blankly at the wall as I try to gather the strength to just breathe again. Sometimes, tears spill over because I miss the days when I could pour my heart out onto paper, releasing all the stress of the day. That was my way of coping, my salvation. Now, I lack the strength even to sit at a computer when I get home, much less find the time on weekends. My soul longs for that release, that spark of my own peace, but it feels increasingly out of reach. 

And then it hit me; the raw, raging truth inside my soul. All these feelings, these relentless waves of pain and chaos they’re tearing me apart from within, eating me alive. I realized I couldn’t let this consume me. I had to fight for myself, for my sanity. Without hesitation, I shoved myself off that damn couch, fired up my laptop, and started pouring my heart out onto this screen.  A surge of energy exploded through me, the kind that lifts you up and sets your spirit free, just to get these overwhelming thoughts out of my head and finally breathe. I know this is just a way to unload my stress, but in that moment, it became so much more. It reminded me who I truly am, who I’ve always been. I am someone who refuses to hide, who refuses to forget what makes my soul come alive. And right now, that’s pouring my heart out, vulnerably and fiercely, to anyone willing to listen or read.  

This is me plain and simple. And I will never forget it. Never again will I live to please others at the expense of my happiness. From this moment on, I’m focusing on myself what makes me feel alive, what brings me joy. And that’s writing. That’s my sanctuary.  

I’ve rediscovered my inner strength, and I promise never to lose it again. I need to always remember what’s best for me; because it’s simple: it’s just me being me. That’s enough. That’s everything.

Whether or not you found this to be enjoyable, I was able to breathe more freely so I thank you for reading and listening.

Till Tomorrow.... )0(

 

Take a break!

 The past few weeks have been quite mentally exhausting for me. The only way I found to recharge was by attending a concert of my favorite performer, which proved to be an enjoyable and much needed break. However, I recognize that my body is feeling the effects, and my mind is overwhelmed. 

Allow me to vent: There are certain situations I can no longer or do not wish to be involved in, as they present a conflict of interest for me. It’s similar to having strong regard for someone but disliking some of their actions. This is where I find myself at this point in time. I am uncertain about the next steps, but I have decided to focus on what brings me happiness. I am sharing this with you in hopes of gaining clarity and support as many of you have given me.

I must remind myself to let go and leave things be when they aren’t meant to be. It’s so hard to accept, but deep down, I believe that everything will fall into place in the end. Maybe not in the way I envisioned or hoped for, but I have an unshakable faith that, somehow, it will all work out.

During these difficult days, I feel a deep ache in my heart for the absence of my dear coworker someone who was more than just a colleague, she was my comfort & my confidante. Even at her young age, she offered a wisdom that astounded me, a warmth that made every burden seem lighter. She was a beautiful soul, shining brightly with kindness and understanding. Whatever storm I was facing, she had this incredible gift she could make me see the truth more clearly, give me strength when I needed it most. I know she's just a phone call or text away, but in the chaos of my busy life, I find myself only reaching out with a simple "What Up," longing for the connection that brought me peace. Her absence leaves a void that words cannot fill, a bittersweet reminder of the precious bond we shared.

In moments like these, when the world feels so heavy and the weight threatens to crush me, I must summon every ounce of strength to remind myself: I am deserving of love and care. I refuse to let the pressure push me to the brink, to let feelings of defeat and failure drown out my spirit. I hold onto hope, fiercely and passionately, and remind myself above all, that I must prioritize me, my well-being, and my resilience. FK trying to give my best and accept when my mind and body demand rest.

I was listening to this song on the radio, and it felt as if it had been created just for me, igniting a fire deep within my soul. In that moment, I was compelled driven to reach for my keyboard and pour out my raw, unfiltered emotions. Through the tears and the words, I rediscovered my strength, found the courage to face a new day. I know now that I must hold these words close, embody them, carve them into my mind and heart because my body and spirit crave rest and healing. With that truth burning brightly in my soul, I end this blog with solid belief: I COME FIRST. I MATTER. I'm standing strong, confident in who I am, totally unbreakable.

Til Tomorrow... )0(

Tired of BS

I'm really looking forward to this Mercury Retrograde ending soon. I'm so tired of the BS. This month has been such a rollercoaster, with so many ups and downs. Dealing with everyone's issues all day can get pretty overwhelming, you know? The funny thing is, I tend to keep my stress inside and don't really show it, but eventually I just have to let it out, which is why I end up writing about everything. 

Yesterday really was the icing on the cake. I wish people wouldn’t stretch the truth about what they can and can’t do. Actions definitely speak louder than words, don’t they? I’m not a fan of being made the scapegoat, it leaves me feeling guilty and a bit sad. I also find it upsetting when my help isn’t appreciated or respected when I offer it. If you don’t agree with the answers I give, then why ask in the first place?

I'm really struggling to understand people lately. It feels like I've lost faith that there are genuinely honest folks out there. These days, it seems like everyone is just focused on getting what they want. This month has been a real rollercoaster for me. Usually, I can take almost anything, but yesterday really overwhelmed me. I came home and just couldn’t hold it in, had a bit of a breakdown. I needed to let it all out, so I yelled, screamed, and cried. But then I took a deep breath, wiped my tears away, and today I’m starting fresh by writing and taking on a new day!

I'm not really sure what tomorrow or the days ahead have in store, but I’m choosing to stay hopeful and trust my instincts about people and situations. I believe that if I follow my heart, things tend to work out. I’ve realized I can’t let others’ mistakes weigh on me, that’s on them, not me. I’m learning to let go of that burden and keep moving forward with a positive outlook.

Whenever I go through moments like this, I used to turn to my diva Zsazsa to vent and share my feelings. Since she's no longer here with me, I find comfort in doing what I love, writing everything out. It really helps me release my emotions and move forward. So, with all that said, I just want to thank you for taking the time to listen and be here. I promise to keep my spirits high and keep praying for brighter days today, tomorrow, and always.

Til Next Time.. )0(

That's All.

Sometimes, I find myself lost in the depths of doubt, desperately searching for my true purpose in this vast, confusing world. And just when I feel overwhelmed, as I start to type, a fire ignites within me, reminding me of my truth. The past two weeks have tested my strength draining every ounce of energy as I grapple with my health and well-being. But through it all, one thing is crystal clear. I know what is best for my soul. I refuse to be swayed by medical opinions, so called friends judging for daring to follow my heart’s call. My mind and my heart cry out for peace, and I am the only one who can decide what truly fulfills me.

©2016itzlynnhere

Every choice I make comes from deep within, born of my own understanding, my own truth. I am the only one who truly knows what is best for me, and I am determined to live my life on my own terms, with passion and conviction. When you see or hear my name, reach out and hold me close embrace me with all your heart. Love me fiercely, for I am and forever will be the one person you can't help but feel intensely about, the one you love fiercely while others love to hate.

So, thank you for reminding me of my resilience, my spirit. I am me a writer, and unbreakable, a fierce CHINGONA standing tall, unwavering in who I am. Love Me: Hate Me; I'm simply me. 

Til Tomorrow )0(... 

Strength & Weakness

I pour my soul into these words, bleeding out the pain that consumes me. I write not to show strength, but to release the crushing weight from my trembling heart. This act of writing is my cry for relief, a desperate attempt to heal the wounds that threaten to drown me. I am tired of burdening others with my sorrow, my truth is too raw, too heavy to carry alone.

Sometimes I wonder how I survive it all, how I breathe through this ache that feels endless. Yet amidst the turmoil, I am forever grateful, blessed beyond measure, to have my family and friends standing like anchors when I feel I might be swept away. I am thankful for the roof overhead, a bed to rest in, and the unwavering love and support from those closest to me.

To those who truly see me, you understand the battles I’ve fought my whole life. You know I believe in a higher power, that no matter what God allows, I am resilient enough to endure. I hold onto hope, trusting deeply that this darkness will pass that this chapter is not the end of my story. Shamefully, I admit there are nights when despair becomes so overwhelming, I wrestle with the thought of just ending it all, to escape this constant misery. But then I grab my pen, and I write with everything I have left. Sometimes I reach for my phone, seeking a voice to hear, a connection to remind me I am not alone. Yet even in these moments, I hesitate; afraid of burdening others with my pain, unwilling to become a source of sorrow for those I love.

Even as I walk with my head held high and wear a smile so bright. I conceal the ache deep within my soul. I laugh without pause, pretending everything is alright, yet inside, a storm rages silently. I hide my pain so fiercely that sometimes, when I’m alone in the shadows, I’m overwhelmed by fear, the fear of how much I’ve kept inside, the fear of the darkness I've fought so hard to hide.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, but sometimes it overwhelms me so deeply, I start to believe I am. I find myself asking, why do so many bad things keep happening to me? I search for answers, but they remain just out of reach. All I can do is hold onto my faith, believing with all my heart that GOD will see me through every storm, every pain, every heartbreak. It’s that unwavering trust that keeps me hanging on, even when everything feels like it’s falling apart.

This is my reality. This is my unspoken truth. And though it wounds me, I cling to the hope that one day, brighter days will come. Until then, I will continue to fight, to write, to pray for healing, for peace, for strength to carry on.

Thank you for reading & as always "I Got This".... )0(