Me, Myself, and I

I believed no could ever hurt me the way you did. You broke your promises. You tore my heart into pieces. You didn't care at all for what once was. You broke us. You broke me.

Your words haunt me in my sleep and while I am awake. You promised me the world and stole it from underneath me. I close my eyes and still hear the coldness of your heart with the words you through at me even while far apart.

Every day I cried; morning, noon, and all through the night. I couldn't sleep. I barely ate & many times was filled with hate. you lied to my face and told me I should be strong. All I could feel was how bad you did me so wrong.

It was being alone where I found the true love of my life. Me, Myself, and I. I forgot all about me. I had lost myself in loving you. I put you before me.

If you had not been selfish in sending me away. I would have never reached a point where now you beg me to stay. I no longer cry, now I easily hold my head up high & trust in Me, Myself, and I.

I had to forgive you to have peace. You no longer have power over my mind or heart. I chose to let you go and live freely. Now, here you are seeking my love desperately.

You fill my ears with tender words. You shower me with gifts of love. Yet all my mind hears, and feels is the pain it endured when you left me standing still. The love I feel for you may last never. I simply choose to love Me, Myself, and I forever....

Till next time... )0(

Life in Las Vegas

It's been 4 years since I left my city of Chicago. I moved here to Las Vegas for many reasons. Sometimes you just have to take a path on a new journey in order to find the peace you're searching for. I did that. 

When I left Chicago I left behind my family, my friends, the food, and the Chicago style house music. I do get homesick even after four years. I try to visit when I can but not as much as I would like to. I was able to have an extended stay in Chicago last summer and while I was there I spend most of my time with my family. I ate the food I missed so much like Falco's Pizza, Paco's Tacos, and my favorite El Popular Chorizo with El Milagro tortillas. I was able to visit and get adjusted by the best Chiropractor in Brighton Park Lopez Family Chiropractic those adjustments always help my stress. Plus there is no other chiropractor here in Las Vegas that I trust with my body. :) 

My short time there I wasn't able to see many of my friends but they were aware how much I missed them. I also realized that my life was no longer in Chicago. My heart will always belong to it but I have moved onto living here. I no longer hate Las Vegas. It has grown on me. I don't think I will ever get acclimated 100% so I take it one day at a time. In the time I have lived here I haven't had much opportunity to really enjoy it. This is why:

When I first arrived here in 2019 I brought the snow with me. Go figure, Las Vegas had suffered what they considered a snowstorm (approximately 2-3 inches). A few weeks later we experienced a few earthquakes that literally scared me into hysteria. We felt our entire building shake and looking at people running towards the gardens. I had no idea that is what you're suppose to do. A couple of weeks later we had a grasshopper invasion. It was the most disgusting thing I had ever seen they were here for awhile. I then suffered a major health issue again and surgery occurred and was out of for awhile. Then last but not least we were plagued by Covid-19, the lockdown, quarantine and mask bullshit. Oh and all of Covid-19 sub variants for the next 2 years. I picked a hell of time to move to Las Vegas. All in all I guess everything happens for a reason. 

It's now four years later and once again I am out of commission and Covid-19 is still here. Go figure. The weather has been extremely weird for this time of year. It actually has been cold. Now me being from Chicago to say that it's cold here then you know it truly is. I have no idea what mother nature is doing but I now have to wear a sweater and socks in my own home. I must admit I get mesmerized when I stare at the sunrise and sunsets & mountain views here in Vegas. It is truly a breathtaking vision. 

So coming from a cold city to currently living in a cold phase. I wish I was back in Chicago at least I would be comforted by all the food I mentioned earlier. I was lucky enough to find a seller on Ebay to purchase the tortillas from so that box will last me a few days. I am skeptical on purchasing the chorizo online due to it not being shipped on dry ice. Anyway to make a long blog short, these past few years have only shown me that I love and miss everyone back home. No matter how far I live now you all will always be in my heart and on my mind. As the saying goes "You can take the girl out of the hood but can't take the chicagohood out of the girl." (Or something to that effect). lol

I won't be able to travel anytime soon but thanks to social media I can keep in contact with everyone. I love and miss you all. I will blog with you all again soon..

Till next time.. )0(

I'm Back.

I can't believe I have not had the desire to write for over 3 months. I apologize to all my readers. It is not like me to go this long without writing. I literally had fallen off the world of social media, my articles and blogs. The past few months have been extremely overwhelming in dealing with life's issues. All the curves that were thrown my way, came out of no where. I had no energy to lift myself up from the funk I was put into. So, I deeply apologize to you all for not being able to do what I enjoy doing.

Sometimes in life things can either make you or break you. My writing has always been the way to make me, to heal me. It helped me in so many ways to become the person I am today. Having said that, it took me awhile to return here to my blog to begin writing again.

I may lose my mojo from time to time but what I have gone through the past few months was nothing but. I wish to share it all with you; my readers, followers and friends. However there are things I am not allowed to; legally and for my own sanity I can not. 

So, please forgive me for being estranged. I can only hope for your continued support, love and friendship. I am in the process of regaining my status on my article portals. So be on the lookout for all new articles.

Thank you for understanding and patience. Now let me get to that writing for you all... 

Till tomorrow...)0(

Change

Things change, people change yet time still stands still for some. Time can take a toll on your life in one way or another. You can be the happiest person in the world one minute and the next your whole life can be changed.

What do you do when this happens? Do you blame the universe? Do you blame another? No, it's a simple fact that can and does happen. These changes can be of anything or anyone. It can be the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the ending of a marriage or relationship. It can be anything that would change your well-being in an instant.

Many people say that “Time heals all wounds” that may be the case, but one must emphasize on the word “time”.  No one should expect that these wounds will heal in a few days, weeks, months, or years. Everyone who suffers a loss of some sort will heal in their own amount of time, there is no timeframe when it will happen.

So, allow yourself to grieve, heal, or cry for as long as you feel you need to. The only person that will know when they’re ready will be you. Everything happens for a reason and whatever the reason be, time will show you what the reason was.

During this phase learn to appreciate life. You should use this time to find out more things of yourself. Do some deep soul searching. If you spent a lifetime with a person and they’re gone; use this time to love yourself (not that you didn’t prior) but to learn to be without that person. It is a painful transition to go from being a couple to a single. Or being a spouse to a widow, being financially independent to losing your employment. Do what you need to do to be at peace in your heart. It is the only way to survive emotionally.

Do not ever let anyone cloud your goals, dreams, and desires. You only need to focus on yourself during your healing process. Whatever your choices are, go out and conquer them. People who do not wish you well are the ones you will be glad to be rid of in your life. Life is short and tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. Do what is best for you, when it is best for you because at the end of the day the only one left standing is you.

Till tomorrow… )0(

Where I'm at...

I write this blog to vent. I write this to heal my pain. I write because I no longer want to verbally burden anyone with my heartache. This blog is deep because I am releasing all that pains me. I don’t care how it makes me look. I do not live for the acceptance of others’ views of me. I hurt deeply. Never in my life had I imagined ever feeling the heartache that I do now.

The past 2 months have literally shattered my life into pieces. I am slowly trying my best to cope with everything that has happened one day at a time. I was blind-sided by this whole event. I wish I could say more but I am bounded by a legal injunction.

All I can say is that I am torn, lost, and devastated by all that has and is happening to me. No, I am not playing the “victim role” as I was screamed at. I am human and have a heart that feels tremendously. Perhaps that was my problem; I cared too much assuming this person would never hurt me as they did? Perhaps I trusted to much? Maybe I wasn’t woman enough, pretty, or skinny or healthy enough? I will never know and will never get complete answers as to why. I will also never understand how you can go from one night to the next with such a drastic change and not expect to care of the impact this inflicted on the person you claimed to love.

This event has drained me physically, emotionally, and financially in ways I never seen coming. I literally have only the clothes I own and my vehicle. I can’t believe all that I had worked for and built is gone. I was raised with values of appreciating the plate of food you are given for the day. So, material things are always replaceable and of no value; except when you lose them all at once. It’s okay I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my hand and know how to earn my own and all will be replaced eventually. It is just extremely sad to go from having it all to having nothing.

I am forever grateful and blessed to have my family and friends to be here for me when I need them the most. I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in thanks to my brothers. I have the love and support from my sisters. Who I know I must be driving crazy with all my hysteria and crying. For the past 2 months I have been crying and I know I will continue to do so; until I have no more pain. 

To those who know me; you know all that I have been through in life and there isn’t anything that GOD doesn’t give me that I can’t handle. This too shall pass. I trust in my faith that this is not how my story ends. I shamedly admit there are times especially at night where I’m in such despair I want to end it all to never feel this misery again. At those moments I pick up a pen and start writing. I also have my phone where I will call someone. However, feeling the way that I do I would rather not call and get on people’s nerves with my sadness. Unfortunately, this is my life; this is my status and It will take some time. 

So, Yes, I will cry. Yes, I hurt. Yes, I have nothing. Yes, I am alone, Yes, I am sick and yet I’M STILL STANDING. I will get through this like I do everything else that life throws my way. I am a real woman, and a strong woman knows how to rebuild herself to stand up and be stronger than ever. You took my love and broke my heart, but you didn’t break my soul and the best version of me will soon arise from the ashes you burned. 

Until then I continue to pray for strength to help me overcome all that I am facing and is heading my way. I know if I stay in faith GOD will lead me to who, what, when where and why I am to go through all this. 

As usual.. Thank you for allowing me to vent, with love always... )0(  Me....