It has it's ups & downs. Whenever I am thrown a curve ball I do my best to hit it. I am human and hurt just as much as the next person only difference is I rarely show it. I laugh, giggle tell jokes & am loud most of the time; little do people realize I am aching inside. My issues are the same as everyone elses; family, money, work, kids etc etc. Only difference is I at times lose myself for trying to "fix" it all.
I become so overwhelmed with all others inadequacies that it causes me to forget about taking care of me. I am what you call an enabler. I see everyone's flaws and instead of NOT helping them I provide comfort and care & from time to time financial support. This is not the way, this is enabling them to continue living the way they do because I or someone else will always come to the rescue. I must stop! The only person that seems hurt through this whole ordeal is me. I take on so much with hopes that everyone/thing will become better and that day never comes. It takes so much energy out of me, a dent in my bank, a lump in my throat & severe pain in my heart. Not to mention I rarely sleep. My mind & heart need a fuckin break
Over the past year my entire family has become so distant that it has saddened me trememdously but hey whatever I guess it was inevitable that we all go our seperate ways as adults, I just never thought it would happen the way it has. Each of them are so consumed in their own anger towards one another they all have forgotten about ME. I rarely receive a phone call from any of them, Oh, wait I do get the occasional email or comment on facebook and when I do get that real phone call it's only to be told all the issues of others. NEVER does anyone ask me "How am I doing?" Not that I need anything but a simple hello, show you take the time to care. Guess that's too much nowadays.
Life gave me a large, beautiful, crazy, loud family. We grew up together always in our little group, we were a party by ourselves. Life has changed all that with greed, anger, stupidity & whatnots. Friends, Relationships, Marriages come and go but family I thought was suppose to stick together; somewhere down the line the other 4 of my blood lost that feeling. They all have animosity towards one another and can't be in the same room with each now I'm standing here alone because so.
Yes Life sucks at times and all this stress has made me breakdown. This is temporary, I know I have it in me to fight again and again and again. SO, here's to you LIFE. You have knocked me down several times in my years and I always get right back up. This time around I will show you that I'm stronger than before and will rise higher each and every time even without my family.
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