Zsa Zsa

Yesterday, 9/12/2025 at 12:03 pm my 14-year-old chihuahua passed. There isn’t anything that anyone can tell me that will make my heartache any better. She was extremely ill and due to her age and the immobility of her back legs. We had no other option but to let her go. She was severely suffering. I cannot help but have been feeling selfish for trying to hold onto her for as long as we did. I was holding on to hope for her to recover.

She was my last baby. She filled my heart when my youngest son left home. She was the last of the litter that nobody wanted. I was never a dog person but the moment I picked her up and she slid into my sweater for comfort and warmth. She looked up at me with those big bubbly eyes and it was instant love. I cared for her as if she was the daughter I never could have. I loved her so much every day of her life. She literally was a spoiled diva hence her name Zsa Zsa. (IYKYK)

The past few months I noticed she was avoiding me. I would literally go looking for her in every room of our home. I would find her hiding underneath my bed at the headboard. Sometimes I would even find her lying behind an artificial tree in the bedroom corner. From all that I have learned about dogs I believe at this moment she knew she was ready to go and trying to tell me. I just refused to accept it.

Over the past 3 weeks her health deteriorated, and she stopped walking, eating, urinating on herself and lethargic. More than the usual chihuahua does. We took her to the Vet, and he immediately knew but had to offer us all options. Simply provide her with meds for pain relief and play the waiting game. Or letting her go with assistance. We came home and had one last special evening with her. We cried the entire night with uncertainty about which route to go. Was I being selfish to wanting her to fight and hold on so I wouldn’t feel the pain that I do now? I cried all night with my husband. The next morning, we made the decision we would talk to the vet one last time.

We arrived and once he spoke with us. We knew what we had to do. We signed the paperwork, and it was done. It was the most emotional overwhelming heartache I have ever felt in my life. I watched her go and looked directly at her hugging her telling her “I’m sorry, I love you and I will see you again. You’re no longer going to be in pain anymore my baby.” My husband and I looked up at the doctor with his stethoscope in his ears and says, “She’s gone”.  My heart fell to the floor. I hugged her in her blanket and cried like a child. I’m still crying as I type. The memory of this happening has traumatized me. I cannot rid myself of the pain and the emptiness I feel. The worse feeling of all this is the guilt. I cannot help but feel a massive amount of guilt that we let her go. I understand if it was the best thing for her. Why am I consumed with guilt. I should not have done so. This guilt is overwhelming. It has made me fall into a deep depressive state. I no longer wish to live. I want to be with my fur baby. I cannot go on without her. She was more than just a dog. She was my companion. She would be the only one who would listen to me talk about anything. Yes, I know she wouldn’t talk back but she listened. Every time I was in pain or sad and crying, she would come over and lick my tears away. She provided me comfort when there was no one else around. Yes, even when her piercing bark annoys me, I still loved it and would do anything in the world right now to hear that again. She was everything to me and now I am alone again; especially being far away from my siblings and sons. She was all I had and now I have nothing but empty hollowness in me. Why should I continue suffering without her?  I need to be with her. Every room in this house has a wonderful painful memory. Today I lost it as I went to the storage room, and her harness was hanging on the door. I screamed in agony. I have all her toys and bed in one room and won’t get rid of them. I’m so lost in grief, it’s beyond what I expected to handle.

To anyone that says “It was just a dog” stay away from me because I would literally punch you in the throat. An animal that is loved is nurtured, care for; it is LOVE and a part of your life. We are human beings and when you provide love to animals it simply means your heart is filled with love to share with all, humans or animals.

So having said this I hope you can all forgive me in allowing me to vent of the darkness that my baby has led me too.

I love you all and thank you for reading my emotional despair.  )0(

Love Yourself

I am so tired of seeing and hearing from men and women complain about the same thing in their relationships. I cannot keep writing about the same issues in relationships. Although it makes me money & I always keep it real with all my readers. It becomes tiring to answer emails on the same matter. It makes me wonder when you will say: Enough!

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  Tip One: Why are you asking the same question for years? If your partner continues to cheat on you. He/She are not to blame; you are, for continuing to take them back. They are not the issue. You have to seriously look deep into yourself and understand why you allow yourself to be manipulated into this type of relationship. Those types of people who continuously cheat will never stop because they know they can keep coming back to you because you accept it. They will lie to your face and tell you “They’re mentally messed up in the head”. They will tell you “how sorry they are, how much they love you and will never do it again.” They will behave great by putting you on a pedestal and make you feel like they’re willing to change. A few days/weeks/months later they’re cheating on you again. There you are crying all over again. Who is to blame? No one but you. Everyone deserves to be loved but you should love yourself enough to know what you’re worth. If you keep accepting the same person you truly do not have any self respect. You have to find out why and make changes for yourself to not accept anything less than you deserve.

• Tip Two: It’s always the same as above. If you know you have someone who doesn’t respect you. A person who cheats on you, lies to you, steals from you, abuses you (mentally or physically). Get away and stay away from them. Life is short and you need to stop wasting your time on someone who doesn’t see what you’re worth. No matter what stories they tell you. 

• Tip Three: Please stop waiting for a knight/princess to come save you. When you love & put yourself first the right person will come into your life. This will happen when you least expect it. If you keep switching from relationship to relationship none will ever work out because you’re too busy worrying and wanting someone to love you. Who is going to love you; when you don’t love yourself?

• Tip Four: If alcohol and drugs are involved in your toxic relationship; that alone is the problem. It’s bad enough you clearly have issues when you accept a narcissist in your life yet alone one who has alcohol/drugs addictions is even worse. Run away & stay away from them. The substance abuse will always affect the so-called relationship. The use of substances will always come first before you do. When the interaction with the use changes their behavior; it will always result in arguments, (temporary breakups because of your insecurities) and possible police involvement, etc, etc. All for what? A person with a substance abuse habit does not know how to love; they will only ever love themselves and do what they love to do; abuse.

• Tip Five: Do not settle for anything less than what you want and deserve from someone. If you want that unconditional, everlasting, passionate, respectful, loyal, devoted kind of love; stop looking for it! When you put yourself first and trust in love it will come to you. Until then everyone that comes by with all the behavior mentioned above are just manipulators & users.

Trust in yourself to know and accept what is right and wrong. Do not fall for the lies because that always comes with heartache, mental anguish, financial loss & you're left with absolutely nothing but the clothes on your back.

I understand this may be harsh for some to read. Like I have said numerous times. I am NOT a therapist. I speak from personal experiences from my life, and all the lives I have seen broken into shattered pieces. I have also seen lives that have been rebuilt and given a love they will forever cherish.

So, yes love does hurt, love can feel great but is definitely and always worth the wait. ALWAYS remember the love that matters the most begins from within.

As always, Keeping it real. Till Next Time. )0(

What's up world

 Yes, it's been awhile. I very long while. I as many others have had to deal with daily life issues. It's taken me a long time to recover from much needed serenity. It came at me physically, mentally, financially in every way one wouldn't expect. 

Anyway, enough time has gone by and I have had to manage my time to squeeze in what I love to do; even if it is just to vent. This is the reason behind how all of this started. As I've mentioned numerous times my writing is not for everyone. I am an emotional writer. I blog whatever the hell I am feeling. My books are different they can be non fiction as well as fictional. I write in the simplest terms so many people can feel comfortable and connected enough to actually feel what I am saying. SO, if my blogs, articles and books aren't to your liking simply flip the page, close the book & stop reading. It's that simple.

I don't write bullshit to gain followers or promote trash talking to get more likes or pay for fake accounts to like my posts. I'm just here doing my thing as I see fit and whenever I can. I am loyal & appreciative of all those who have followed me over the past decades. I thank you for reading, following , listening, sharing and most of all for CARING.

The destructive world we are living in today should make us reach out to each other more often. NOT hate, separate or shut out one another because of political disagreements. I have seen great friendships come to an end because of this. It's heartbreaking. Anyway I won't go down that road with anyone. All I will say is everyone is entitled to freedom of speech and their own beliefs. You simply don't have to lose friendships/relationships or family because of it. I hope and pray many will resolve their indifferences with each regarding that. I always hope for the best. 

So, now that I have gone through so many changes; feeling like a caterpillar who finally came out of the cocoon to become a butterfly. I am ready to leave the 9-5 up on the shelf and just enjoy myself; just like Michael Jackson said. SO yeah I'm back haters, stalkers, friends, readers & followers. Look out for more writings to come your way.

Hope all of you have a blessed day and Have a Happy Father's Day.

Till Next Time. )0(

Defeated? Not

Sometimes work can be a lifeline. It can be the only way to distract yourself from whatever ails you. It can also be a way to comfort you in many ways. I am choosing all the above. It feels like forever since I have written. It’s been an extremely overwhelming year.

I have endured many health issues this year. It drove me to the point of losing my sanity for a moment. What started out as a “Woe is me” quickly turned into a “I Got This” event. I emphasize that motto because that is what I made it to be.

Indulge me, while I briefly give you a synopsis of the past year. Let’s just say my health went from being stable to unstable. I was hit left and right with issues that one couldn’t even comprehend how I am still standing. The first 6 months I went from remaining in remission to a metastasis, several weeks of radiation; back to being stable. However, not without residual pain. During that course of time my weight dropped, my appetite was suppressed not to mention my mentality was poor. Overall, weight loss was good for my health as well. So, I’m down 49lbs. Secondly, I was stricken with the news that I have some secondary autoimmune disease which they can’t confirm just yet. The first being hypothyroidism. My blood results and physical symptoms have yet to be confirmed of “Scleroderma or Muscular Dystrophy” Only time will tell. Third, due to my symptoms a scan was ordered and a tumor in my brain was found. I was seen by specialists and surgeons and at this time it has been ruled out as metastasis. It has been diagnosed as a meningioma. After consultations with the medical professionals, I must make a serious decision on the course of treatment. At this moment I have not. Lastly, I woke up to alerts from my bank that has been frozen. All my money on an “Account hold” and I had to wait until today to retrieve answers. Thank goodness for a secondary bank which has nothing in it but able to accept payments.

So having gone through all this in the past few months. I needed some time to reflect. I did not want to think about anything anymore. I remembered how much I love to write and vent away. In dealing with these hand tremors, it has been particularly difficult to type. Upon learning to navigate voice commands I can carry on with my blogs. So, here I am.

My life in a nutshell. How am I still standing with all this. I have no fucking idea. I recently was told I am a child of God, there isn’t anything he gives me that I cannot handle. Well, it most certainly felt like it. I then began to think. I need to get back to what makes me the happiest. No matter what I go through in life, writing/venting expressing my emotions always helps me. It’s the best feeling in the world to be able to do what you love to do the most. It brings me joy, a sense of being. If it’s crying, dancing or writing; they are all feelings in life that remind us we’re ALIVE.

So, I leave you with those words to remember no matter what we go through in life; You still have it, appreciate it, enjoy it TODAY, TOMORROW & ALWAYS.

Yes Indeed

I have lost almost an entire year of time because I needed to heal. I was unable to write, my focus and passion for doing so was gone. Only you know what your mind , body, self care and needs; no one else will. I as well as many others can lose track of doing this because we're so worried doing this for others. You must never forget to include yourself while doing this.

The past year has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs from every aspect one can encounter. It's 11 months later and I am done doing what others ask of me. I am fighting for myself now. I still have a long way to go but I would like all my friends, readers, followers & haters to know that I AM BACK & STRONGER than ever. Perhaps not physically just yet but emotionally I have regained that fighting conqueror who was lost. So, watch out world here I come.

The past few weeks have been a pain; literally. Somehow I managed through it as I always do. I don't ever lose my faith but shamefully I admit I was near losing it. It's at those times I find the strength in him to not do so. 

As time passed me by. I have had so many ideas, stories, blogs, article topics all locked in my head. It is not a great thing for a writer to have. IYKYK. I am finally in a comfortable place in life to begin writing again and it has begun. I began editing the final chapters of my books and somehow started a new one. I multi-task. I am writing in two separate projects all while writing this blog and creating a new article. This is how fast my mind works with creativity. I only wish that my hands could type faster than what I was used to at 86 words per minute. So, thanks to Dictaphone, speech into text and other useful technology. I am back at what I love to do.

So, If I can overcome my issues, TRUST in my words when I say SO CAN YOU! Yes change is hard, accepting what is and how to get through it is what matters most. I am living proof.😘

No matter what time it is. No matter where you're at. No matter who you are with. No matter what you're doing. No matter what you're feeling. STOP and ALWAYS take a deep breath, exhale slowly and appreciate that you still have life. You will appreciate that moment of sanctuary for the rest of the day & hopefully for the rest of your days. Yes Indeed. 💕

Stay tuned for all upcoming writing endeavors. Love you all... 

Till tomorrow. )0(