Defeated? Not

Sometimes work can be a lifeline. It can be the only way to distract yourself from whatever ails you. It can also be a way to comfort you in many ways. I am choosing all the above. It feels like forever since I have written. It’s been an extremely overwhelming year.

I have endured many health issues this year. It drove me to the point of losing my sanity for a moment. What started out as a “Woe is me” quickly turned into a “I Got This” event. I emphasize that motto because that is what I made it to be.

Indulge me, while I briefly give you a synopsis of the past year. Let’s just say my health went from being stable to unstable. I was hit left and right with issues that one couldn’t even comprehend how I am still standing. The first 6 months I went from remaining in remission to a metastasis, several weeks of radiation; back to being stable. However, not without residual pain. During that course of time my weight dropped, my appetite was suppressed not to mention my mentality was poor. Overall, weight loss was good for my health as well. So, I’m down 49lbs. Secondly, I was stricken with the news that I have some secondary autoimmune disease which they can’t confirm just yet. The first being hypothyroidism. My blood results and physical symptoms have yet to be confirmed of “Scleroderma or Muscular Dystrophy” Only time will tell. Third, due to my symptoms a scan was ordered and a tumor in my brain was found. I was seen by specialists and surgeons and at this time it has been ruled out as metastasis. It has been diagnosed as a meningioma. After consultations with the medical professionals, I must make a serious decision on the course of treatment. At this moment I have not. Lastly, I woke up to alerts from my bank that has been frozen. All my money on an “Account hold” and I had to wait until today to retrieve answers. Thank goodness for a secondary bank which has nothing in it but able to accept payments.

So having gone through all this in the past few months. I needed some time to reflect. I did not want to think about anything anymore. I remembered how much I love to write and vent away. In dealing with these hand tremors, it has been particularly difficult to type. Upon learning to navigate voice commands I can carry on with my blogs. So, here I am.

My life in a nutshell. How am I still standing with all this. I have no fucking idea. I recently was told I am a child of God, there isn’t anything he gives me that I cannot handle. Well, it most certainly felt like it. I then began to think. I need to get back to what makes me the happiest. No matter what I go through in life, writing/venting expressing my emotions always helps me. It’s the best feeling in the world to be able to do what you love to do the most. It brings me joy, a sense of being. If it’s crying, dancing or writing; they are all feelings in life that remind us we’re ALIVE.

So, I leave you with those words to remember no matter what we go through in life; You still have it, appreciate it, enjoy it TODAY, TOMORROW & ALWAYS.

Yes Indeed

I have lost almost an entire year of time because I needed to heal. I was unable to write, my focus and passion for doing so was gone. Only you know what your mind , body, self care and needs; no one else will. I as well as many others can lose track of doing this because we're so worried doing this for others. You must never forget to include yourself while doing this.

The past year has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs from every aspect one can encounter. It's 11 months later and I am done doing what others ask of me. I am fighting for myself now. I still have a long way to go but I would like all my friends, readers, followers & haters to know that I AM BACK & STRONGER than ever. Perhaps not physically just yet but emotionally I have regained that fighting conqueror who was lost. So, watch out world here I come.

The past few weeks have been a pain; literally. Somehow I managed through it as I always do. I don't ever lose my faith but shamefully I admit I was near losing it. It's at those times I find the strength in him to not do so. 

As time passed me by. I have had so many ideas, stories, blogs, article topics all locked in my head. It is not a great thing for a writer to have. IYKYK. I am finally in a comfortable place in life to begin writing again and it has begun. I began editing the final chapters of my books and somehow started a new one. I multi-task. I am writing in two separate projects all while writing this blog and creating a new article. This is how fast my mind works with creativity. I only wish that my hands could type faster than what I was used to at 86 words per minute. So, thanks to Dictaphone, speech into text and other useful technology. I am back at what I love to do.

So, If I can overcome my issues, TRUST in my words when I say SO CAN YOU! Yes change is hard, accepting what is and how to get through it is what matters most. I am living proof.😘

No matter what time it is. No matter where you're at. No matter who you are with. No matter what you're doing. No matter what you're feeling. STOP and ALWAYS take a deep breath, exhale slowly and appreciate that you still have life. You will appreciate that moment of sanctuary for the rest of the day & hopefully for the rest of your days. Yes Indeed. 💕

Stay tuned for all upcoming writing endeavors. Love you all... 

Till tomorrow. )0(

Are You Ready?

Have you ever asked yourself "If you're ready for all dreams you ever had to become a reality?" I know for a fact that when you're young you dream of being whatever your dreams are. You can even have different dreams or goals. The idea of them is to reach for what you want out of life. There are many people out in the world who don't believe in dreams. In fact they even ridicule your beliefs maybe because they never tried to reach theirs. 

Everyone has the right to dream, to wish, to hope for this. If you ever have a dream or a goal that you want to be an actor, a judge, a botanist, a musician or a writer 😊go for it. You never know if you will achieve it if you don't try. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to do something you love to do for a living. Even when financial roadblocks may play a factor; don't give up. The timing for your dreams to come true all varies on how you truly feel about it. It won't happen overnight but when you focus and work really hard on achieving them. It will happen. It will because you're out their making it happen.

Sometimes you will come across obstacles and people who try to persuade you to let it go. When you feel like it's never going to happen or you just give up. Who have you let down? Yourself and all those who believe in you. When you have the love and support from those people; keep believing in yourself. Those people are the ones that make you because they enjoy all that you're good at. Whatever your dream is.

DO NOT allow any person, place or thing stop you from believing in yourself. Always continue doing what you love to do even if it's playing a sport. Who knows maybe you will be the next Jose Abreu (Sorry I'm a hardcore CW fan) or Mikhail Baryshnikov. The point being your dreams or your dreams be whatever you want to be. Don't ever give up on them.

When that time comes that all you ever wished and dreamed for becomes a reality. Will you be ready for it? There are many people out there that will be happy for you. However there will also be some that will be jealous & bitter that you did it. The world & society can be harsh and will definitely show you your group of hate. Always be & remain humble. If you reached your dream; you worked hard for it. Do not let others ruin your victory.

There comes a lot when you achieve your goals. This could be from being financially successful to fame. Are you ready for it? Only you will know. Do not change yourself because you have done so. You can alter your clothing, lifestyle and whatnots but never change who you are inside. This is the main reason why you became who you have; because of you. Don't ever forget that; appreciate your blessings.

So, those times when you get knocked down while reaching for your dreams, because their will be many. Remember to always stand up stronger to keep reaching for the stars. Believe in yourself TODAY, TOMORROW & ALWAYS.

)0(

Homesick

Yes. I must admit I am homesick. I have been living in Las Vegas for over 4 years now and I miss so much of my city of CHICAGO. Let's just first start of by saying the Mexican food here is nothing like CHITOWN's. I can only give props to DONA MARIA TAMALES for having the BEST tamales and enchiladas I've had in 4 years. The place is so cozy and welcoming. The food is amazingly close to El Milagro tamales back in Chicago. The staff there are absolutely wonderful and friendly. They are my number one spot for Mexican food on the strip-homemade style to the T!! I HIGHLY RECOMMEND when in Las Vegas.

When I finished eating my food it was so good it just made me miss home more. So, I ordered more of my favorite tortillas El Milagro from a trusted seller on Ebay. It's the only way I can get them besides from a family member sending them to me. Whenever I eat those tortillas it just makes me feel like I am back at Pacos Tacos in the old neighborhood.

I don't know if it's just me being nostalgic pero puta madre I do miss local "elote people" lol. (IYKYK) By the way. I do curse occasionally in english and spanish here. It's me always being me-REAL.

Besides the food, friends and family. I miss the rain, that cool breeze you get in fall and the crazy one day 90 degrees and the next day 55 degree weather. Pinche Chicago, que locuras. The little summer treats of MARIO'S italian ice, lemonade. OMG the lines in the summertime are worth the wait. There is no place here in Vegas that comes close to theirs. Okay, I have to stop thinking with my stomach. 

I 100% miss the music from Chicago. We ALL know, okay well most who read my blogs know. HOUSE MUSIC. I miss it so much especially if I am out having a cocktail. The music here in Las Vegas caters to HIP HOP and top 40. I love all genres of music but my favorite is Chicago House Music and of course my Tejano Music being a Tejana can't go without. I am married to a DJ and well of course I can always listen to the music. It's just different when you're at a club back home and everyone you know is jamming and dancing to the music we all love. I'm here in Vegas and don't have that. :( 

I miss the DJ's I grew up with, DJ John Hernandez , PRDTA , DLJ ,DJ Ric Florez, the ones I met throughout the years DJ HOUSE , DJ RICH MALO , and of course my Tejano DJ's DJ Armando E. DJ Becky Sparkles  DJ Myra  Dam. I knew a lot of DJ's okay, okay I will stop because I will run out of space. I love and miss you all. 

I don't miss the shootings, the violence, the pinch cucarachas (aka gangbangers), the taxes on everything, the shoveling of the snow, DIBS. lol (IFYKYK). I do miss the LAKE so much. I would enjoy walking and sitting on the rocks with my journals; dreaming I would be a writer one day and I was blessed. SO never stop believing in your dreams; No matter how long it takes. :) ME

No matter what or where I was in Chicago I was always enjoying every minute. Until life happened. :(  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of Chicago. My life will never be the same. I treasure all the wonderful, painful, joyful years I had there. I may live in Las Vegas but Chicago will always be in my heart. So will my Chicago White Sox. Yes, I said it. We will always be at war with y'all North Sider Scrub Fans. 

Till Tomorrow my fans, followers, readers and haters. I'm still me. Loving You All..

Lynn... )0(

Me, Myself, and I

I believed no could ever hurt me the way you did. You broke your promises. You tore my heart into pieces. You didn't care at all for what once was. You broke us. You broke me.

Your words haunt me in my sleep and while I am awake. You promised me the world and stole it from underneath me. I close my eyes and still hear the coldness of your heart with the words you through at me even while far apart.

Every day I cried; morning, noon, and all through the night. I couldn't sleep. I barely ate & many times was filled with hate. you lied to my face and told me I should be strong. All I could feel was how bad you did me so wrong.

It was being alone where I found the true love of my life. Me, Myself, and I. I forgot all about me. I had lost myself in loving you. I put you before me.

If you had not been selfish in sending me away. I would have never reached a point where now you beg me to stay. I no longer cry, now I easily hold my head up high & trust in Me, Myself, and I.

I had to forgive you to have peace. You no longer have power over my mind or heart. I chose to let you go and live freely. Now, here you are seeking my love desperately.

You fill my ears with tender words. You shower me with gifts of love. Yet all my mind hears, and feels is the pain it endured when you left me standing still. The love I feel for you may last never. I simply choose to love Me, Myself, and I forever....

Till next time... )0(