Let's Do This.

I feel lost, completely overwhelmed by life. I used to love writing. I needed it. Now, by the time I come home from my daily grind, I don’t even have the mental strength to sit in front of a computer. We’re all told to slow down, to breathe, to enjoy life but when you’ve spent the entire day on the phone with insurance idiots who can barely be understood and patients who don’t understand insurance at all, the last thing you want to do is stare at a screen and try to create something meaningful.

I miss the days when inspiration hit me at any hour, day or night. A poem, a thought, a feeling and my fingers would fly across the keyboard without hesitation. My writing felt effortless. Now, those moments feel so far away. I’m exhausted. I’m angry sometimes, and that isn’t who I am. I don’t recognize this version of myself.

I feel overworked, underappreciated, and just fucking tired. My body hurts constantly because of the debilitating health issues I carry every single day. Still, I show up. I crack jokes. I smile. I make it look easy. But inside, I feel like I’m slowly dying. How long am I supposed to keep living like this?  I told myself I had two more years of me to give until retirement at 62. But with the way my body and mind feel right now, I honestly don’t know if I’ll make it there.  I’m not even sure what this blog is supposed to be. I just know I hit a moment so deep, so heavy, that I heard myself say, “WRITE IT OUT, LYNN.” So, here I am. Maybe this is the beginning of finding my way back. Maybe it’s a reminder of what once made me feel alive. Maybe it’s just survival. Maybe it’s my wakeup call to pour out my soul through my words because it defines who I am. I don't know. I simply have to follow my heart and keep reminding myself that life is short, and tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. I need to start listening to the words I’m always telling everyone else: slow down, breathe, and live for yourself not for others. IYKYK. 

So, having said all of this I will now lay my body down for some long overdue rest for the next 10-12 hours with hopes of feeling back on track in the next few days. I thank you all for listening, reading and as always "I Got This."

Till Tomorrow... )0(