Heavy Heart

As I said yesterday I write what I feel at the precise moment and right now I need to vent. I am sitting here typing with tears rolling out of my eyes. I just received devastating news and my heart is heavy! I am not one that ever shows her emotions (made myself that way) but right now in seclusion all I can do is cry. I'm human and what I'm going through has shattered my heart but can only cry in private. I am and must be strong for others.

I've often hid my feelings (public display of affections) and portray this image that I don't care about anyone or anything. And I honestly thought it was best (as a defense mechanism not to get emotionally hurt) what is the point if when alone I release all the pain I feel.

I hurt and nothing can change that. I knew deep down inside this day was going to come and can't blame anyone but the issue itself. I just didn't know I was going to react this way. NO, that's a lie, I knew EXACTLY how it was going to feel because I made the same mistake years ago, making a huge life altering decision because I thought it was the best at the time. It only hurt everyone else around me; then. History repeated itself today. I as well as other family members are hurting more than anyone can ever imagine.

I can only hope, pray for the best and keep my faith that things will turn around. I have to beleive that. This blog is extremely personal and am really releasing my emotions right now; but don't know how else to do so; without breaking down in front of anyone; when I'm suppose to be strong for them.

Pause: (sorry, had to stop and breathe, washed my face)

I apologize for sounding like a bubbling idiot, but this is me I write what I feel and right now I'm just full of sorrow. I wish I could go further into detail but out of respect for the "issue" at hand I cannot. Simply now that my heart is heavy.

I'm not okay but will be, I will take it step by step, day by day and be stronger than ever for others..

Thanks for listening.

Neena44.....)0(