Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Family

I don't know if it's the holiday that has me feeling the way I do. A little melancholy, depressed, angry and somewhat happy.  I spend most of the previous 2 weeks working my ass off to earn extra money to make the holidays special for my grandbabies. I went shopping and bought them items I knew they would love and appreciate. Aah hell who am I fucking kidding. I spoiled them with toys and games.. lol.  I just wanted to see the smiles on their face the way (at times we used to get them when we were kids).  Seeing that made my night.
 
The past few weeks I have been thinking so much about my family and how different things, situations, feelings, gatherings and holidays have changed as we get older.  I remember when I was a kid in a 2 bedroom home with 6 kids and our parents, we used to have some great christmas's. Even when we knew our parents couldn't afford it.  We would make the best of it always. Spending time with each other, laughing, reminicing, dancing, eating was how we spend our time on the holidays. It was a great time.
 
Somehow over the past year MY family (well, let's just say 3 particular individuals) have made it difficult to be around or enjoy the holidays, even when we try our best to be civil.  Really? WTH would one family (yes the older) constantly refer to himself as NOT part of our family and comment to us "Your father, Your mother" what brother were you secretly adopted and we didn't know??? NOT!!!.  He was always our big brother, taking us to the movies, games and making us laugh. I don't know what the hell happened to him but all his (inner hostility) towards us has made all of us finally close the door on him. It is his loss not ours; however I'm sure the way he see's things it will be no loss as to his belief we are not his family.. Oh well. I will always love him but enough is enough.. I want nothing to do with him or HIS family the way he puts it.
 
Then I have the family who is here just a few miles from each other, and who are constantly together. We are the Four Musketeers, and normally it was just the 3 of us because the 4th has been around us because he ended getting divorced. My OLDER sister used to hang with us, call us, meet for a drink or bite to eat. Somehow, somewhere she drifted far away into her own world, even though it's 30 minutes away. I feel like I have lost my big sister & a big brother. Then we have the youngest who is just a walking timebomb yet thinks your suppose to kneel down before him. He will go out of his way for his sisters but will throw it in your face later down the line.
 
Has the concept of FAMILY been thrown out the window? Is there a new definition for it now that I haven't read? Or is this just my family that is Chaotic, Crazy, Rude & Hurtful towards each other?? I don't know what is happening to each and everyone of these family members but all I can say is I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU & KEEP YOU IN MY HEART FOREVER but will not let you continue to hurt me or the ones I LOVE as well..
 
I will pray for the 3 of you to come to your senses and one day reminice of all the LOVE we used to share with each other simply by being there for one another. YES, even with the hourlong phone conversations. I have not seen my older sister since June this year and my older brother since 2011, one lives in Texas which is understood (but the phone does work both ways but I guess since MY last name ISN"T yours; as you have stated. I will not wait for that call) To my sister in who is 30 minutes away. I know you work 12- 15 hours a day (whatever, but it only takes 2 minutes to make a phone call. I will care less and not wait for your call but I do hope you have a conscience why you don't call our mother.) Oh wait, you drove her home today for Xmas... She must of felt nice for 15 minutes.
 
Well, I have vented out my emotions on FAMILY and no matter what craziness EVERY familily goes through; REMEMBER always Who else but FAMILY will love you & accept you for who you are.....
 
Goodnight everyone.......................................... Merry Christmas.... Neena44

1 comment:

  1. I have a similar situation in my family

    ReplyDelete

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