This & That

As I struggle with all my burdens. I do my best to be optimistic about everything. It is rough when you're physically & emotionally stricken with daily issues.  I do everything I can to distract myself from causing myself to have a panick attack or worse a dam heart attack. So, what do I do? I take to my blogpage & vent. Sometimes I knock myself in my ass when I write because I know that they're somethings that I should just stay quiet about. Then I think about how keeping it all locked up inside; affects me and well that never goes well. So, here I am writing. Again.. lol

 

This may not make any sense to anyone but I have to let out my frustration & hopefully someone can possibly relate to me. My thyroid disease of over 10 years has literally taken me to the ends of despair. I have been hypo for years now & when my ths levels are out of control; I am practically freezing to death. Because of this thyroid disease my metabolism does not work the way a normal body does. Instead of burning off calories even with exercise it doesn't work as it's suppose to. So my weight fluctuates. I have gained over 22 1bs in a year and my ass & thighs are just too heavy for me. Well at least that's how I see myself. My husband of course loves looking at that area. I feel as if my body is swollen. I drink plenty of water for my skin however when you have hypothryoidism there are many things you must be be prepared for. This is a permanent condition. You will have this for the rest of your life so even with medication, you will still have issues & no control of your own metabolism.

 

My weight isn't so much of a concern for me. I love myself in any shape or form. As long as I am not as big as a house & have a good stable heart my weight I will handle. It's the metabolism that I have to find a way to fix!

 

So, If it's not this & that; not only do I have to that to worry about. I recently had an abnormal mammogram which lead dr. to call & ask for a diagnostic mammogram, ulrasound & biopsy  that was done a few days ago. Still waiting for results. Waiting is more excruciating than actually being told you need these exams done.  

 

So, with all this said and done. I try to remain as positive as I can be. Sometimes my husband will be speaking to me & I have no clue to what he's saying just staring blank into his face. He just comes up to me kisses my forehead & says "All is going to be Ok". I know deep in my heart that I will be fine. It's just every now & then I remind myself  it's ok to cry just to move forward; with that said & done. Thank you for allowing me to vent & BLOG today...

 

Till tomorrow..