Ten Days Later

Ten days later, feeling like a brand new woman. I enjoy walking into the facility I work for; not too many people can say they love who they work for; only what they do as work. Something has changed in me over these days. I would carry some hostility in me that kind of displays me as a cold hearted bitch so to say. I realized that there is a lot of pain deep within me. Leaving the pain in the past doesn't work; it will surface in someway. Lately mine has been coming through my dreams.

 

Well, I cannot change the past and refuse to suffer any longer. I began "Soul Searching" and actually prayed. Yes I actually have been reading the bible (something I thought I would never do again) and have found some answers. I have to let go of all the pain, anger and hurt that is in me in order to feel free & be happy. Or at least have some serenity. For the past Ten Days I have felt that.  Until...

 

I personally seen some events that took place with a person that truly means the world to me. All I can say is that, I always believed that person's words with all my heart. The actions I seen with my own eyes have crushed my ability to even look this person in the face. My self esteem has dropped (due to my hair loss & rollercoaster weight issues; eating, medications then not eating) has lead me towards a fight again of depression. I release my emotions through writing so that I do not leave everything bottled up inside, here I am Ten Days later venting.

 

I understand that what I am going through I will eventually find what I NEED in life. I found a long time ago what I WANTED after doing so it's come up half right. I need & deserve everything I give in return. I have been praying & asking for only GUIDANCE & SERENITY & so far it has lead me to the company I am supposed to be working for enjoying the job I love to do. As for the other situation that is hurtful all I know is that the time will come when I will be treated & loved the way I love as well.

All this has been in the past Ten Days. I know that it will not take another to blog again. I'm simply still tying to find my inner beauty that will make me SHINE on the outside...... Till Tomorrow.

 

 

Neena44