Eyes wide open

A few days have gone by & all I can say is that "My eyes were opened wide" to certain individuals bullshit. I'm glad to know that your "gut instinct" is always right. If it's too good to be true; then it is. I have been reading a lot of material on improving your mind & well being. I have begun meditating & searching deep within myself to find what makes me happy. I have always known that it was writing. I just seemed to have lost my "mojo." This I blame on the numerous issues I have going on in my life.

 

I was always the type of person who "just hid her feelings & behaved like a hardass" leaving others to believe "I didn't care." Over the years I THOUGHT I had changed. I was wrong. A huge part of me is angry, humiliated & hurt and honestly I want lash out to the people who inflicted this pain on me. I would like to just slap the fuck off their face or lodge the same kind of heartache they have done to me.

 

IT'S THEN when I begin to meditate, breathe & search for guidance & peace to let go of that negative energy.  I simply delete, let go, ignore, avoid all of them/it to set myself free. I refuse to waste anymore time on people who disrespect me, violate my trust & take advantage of my vulnerability. My eyes are wide open now.  This lesson in life has just showed me "Not to stop caring or showing my feelings" however to easily understand I am human & have a big heart. Others did not.

 

Things in my life will eventually change for the better, sooner or later. My court date is just around the corner. I have made several changes already in my life for the better & am learning much of a person than I ever have (after all the years I've been with him). I go for walks every day just to clear my head & always with a pen and journal.  Someday soon all will fall into place. Everything happens for a reason.

 

Everyday as I walk around the school near my home I find myself sitting on a swing in the playground writing all my secrets, desires & dreams. Now, I will stop writing in the journal & will make all that I dream of become a reality. Thanks to all who hurt me enough to have my eyes wide open......

 

As always Thank You for reading; till tomorrow................................Neena44 )0(