I have been in a wonderful
relationship for the past 7 years and all was great until yesterday when I was
asked to get married. My first reaction was shock because we both come from
backgrounds where we believed “marriage” to be a cliché. So I believed that this what he really wanted
since he asked. I said yes. The day was
over and after discussing possible dates and whatnots I noticed the topic of
the conversation kept changing and much more did the mood. Perhaps not discussing arrangement yet better
the “reality “of it all was something to be discussed.
After hours of (non arguing, nor
yelling) adult conversation we both came to the resolution that neither one of
us want to be married. Oh wait, let me clarify that, HE does not want to be married.
I realized last night that after 7 years of being together & living
together “What is he waiting for”? I began
to doubt everything about me. Is it ME he doesn’t want to marry? What is his
issue? He knows that I have always been there by his side; I support him in all
that he believes in as he does for me.
So after thinking all these thoughts I became somewhat emotional and
began to ask him why? His answer was “I
can only give you day to day commitment”.
I reminded him he has been doing this for 7 years? Once again I was left without any
answers. The worse thing a woman can do
is to start wondering WTH? I began to question him (maybe something I should
have not done) because now I am left with more thoughts. I think women take this kind of thing to the
heart, some men (especially mine) don’t seem to understand OUR feelings (or
perhaps ego) is somewhat bruised.
Most women thrive on the fact
that their partner wants to marry them, they consider that person is the one
they want to spend the rest of their life with.
So in my case I am left to assume I am not that person? He says I am the
best, love of his life, his best friend & companion????? Hmmm,, I should be
offended at that but his honesty is truly appreciated because it made me see
that I think In the end I do believe that I want to be married, I do want that
person in my life to have particular rights over me (if something were to
happen).
I was married before and it
failed, my parent’s marriage failed, siblings marriages failed, so I ended up
having a particular view on marriages, but after what happened yesterday I
realize and accepted that I do want that. Maybe not the wedding part or any of
that, but yes I would love to know that I have that “sacrament” in my life
again. I learned to love again why should I not trust in marriage again? And
yes I would love to share that event with all those who have seen me evolve
into the woman I am today with the man that claims he loves me; however if he
were to ask me again sometime soon. I can honestly say I don’t think I would because
I know now it is not from his heart and frankly I always build up a wall when
someone hurts me.
So perhaps I will walk away and
give myself the opportunity to be loved, in EVERY possible way that I deserve
and be happy all the time..
Thanks for listening, sorry if I
rambled. )0(
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